So last week Sunday I turned 18. I could tell you how different it feels and how I am now a "grown woman and can do whatever I want" but I'd be lying and I respect your level of tolerance for played out clichés way too much to feed you that one my dear friends!
Truthfully, all I feel is a sense of uncertainty . I feel more child-like than I did at 23:57 on Saturday evening. A rush of rebellion came over me, as if urging me to live a little more, love a little harder and really not give a damn. All whilst using my non existent kick boxing skills to kick down the boundaries society sets up sky high for us females (something I stay and will forever stay preaching) .
I've struggled with my image and identity for almost seven years now. I went from "too fat" to "too skinny" all the way back to an in between,awkward size that was neither bad nor good/sexy enough - all according to society and it's rule book that we follow so religiously! And I realised how exasperating it is trying to box yourself up into a category that doesn't even account for half of your personality . All these years I have spent trying to figure out exactly where I belong. Well you know what? Home is where the heart is and my heart is in whatever touches my soul. So tonight I'll sleep with my turban on because I'm deep within my spiritual feels (yes, turbans are spiritual to me), tomorrow weave my hair, the next day I'll squeeze into a vest with a V-line plunging so low that my double D's make you uncomfortable! Simply because being 18 and going with the motions and wherever your heart leads you too (also taking into consideration the amount of Fendi's* you give on that day) is so much more easier and flippen peaceful for the soul!
So 18 year old me says to you .. " whatever is good for the soul, do that!"
This was my before 18 look//
Outfit
Skort playsuit - Cotton On
Platforms - Cotton On
Stay blessed x
Happy birthday, Thando! I don't know if I can relate 100% because I'm only turning seventeen so I get to roll around in that fun intermediate 'I'm still really a teenager with one foot in the big kid pool' stage which is cool but it gets very confusing what with university applications and the possibility of having to pay my own bills and having no one to blame when we're out of the yoghurt I said I didn't like at the store.
ReplyDeleteThis is an extremely positive and affirming philosophy you have here, Thando. You're pretty rad for being able to see over the right now and just do you, man. I really want to emulate that when I'm all grown up too.
x
Also, I hope you hate a sickening amount of cake and made your closest friends your slaves for the day.
Thank you so much Khensani !
ReplyDeleteAppreciate the words of encouragement x